The Bears Upstairs

So now that we're back, I'm going to be branching out a bit and covering the many insane books I see whilst substituting. Classrooms are a great source for this stuff, because teachers will never get rid of anything. Even this. I think my favorite part is the framing. In order to let us see everyone's face, the girl had to be looking back at them, so it makes me imagine what came before. I think they just walked past her and she didn't notice they were bears right away. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Bear. ... Waaaaaaait a minute..."

Fashion winner on this one is Mr. Bear. That cowboy hat, the Wesley Crusher-esque trench coat, the rope holding his suitcase closed- And yet Mrs. Bear has it so together. My brother insists we owned this book as children, but he's completely lying. I was curious, though, so I went a bit out of this blog's charter and actually looked for a plot description online. Here's a review by a 12 year old.

Interesting older title about a young girl who befriends two bears that move into her apartment building. The bears are waiting on "the others" to take them away where they can be free from the men hunting them who want to put them in a zoo.

That sounds terrifying. Other reviews make it clear that no one else notices they're bears. Which, come on.

43 - The Backstage Mystery

Well, I think we know why Henry and Violet were off yesterday having the worst adventure ever. They were jealous of Jessie and Benny, who are getting to have a sweet adventure in the world of legitimate theater. As no stranger to the stage myself, I can verify that this cover is completely accurate, for the following reasons:

1 - Costumes are always hung up on a coat rack backstage, and always in one fully assembled piece so anyone who wanders by can tell what show they're doing.

2 - Jessie is wearing her actor's overalls, whilst the younger Benny only gets the somersaulting penguin sweater of the novice stagehand.

3 - The Wizard of Oz is not overdone at all, you guys.

4 - Flashlights always project bold and clear shadows moving toward the source of light.

I was just kidding on that last one, of course. The flashlight is basically unnecessary. But it was either that or more pointing, I guess.

42 - The Mystery of the Missing Cat

CHAPTER ONE

"Hey, Henry, I found this cat."

"Oh, here's a sign for a missing cat. The large color photo makes it clear it's the same one. It's even doing the same pose."

"What sign?"

"Hold on, I'll point to it."


CHAPTER TWO

"Here's your cat."

"Thanks, here's the reward."

"No need, we're filthy rich. We just like solving mysteries."

"I'm not sure 'missing cat' counts as a mystery."

"It does on the book cover."

THE END

41 - Mystery of the Hidden Beach

"See, Benny? That's where Jesus was carrying you."

Look, how is it possible to hide a beach? Just keep walking in a given direction and you'll hit one. Need to find a particular beach? Find a nearby one and follow THE FREAKING OCEAN. Trust me, Picnic Pants, you'll find it eventually. Whoever's footprints you're pointing at clearly had the same idea.

40 - The Canoe Trip Mystery

I can't rag on them for how they look here. Nautical excursions are designed to make people look stupid. Everyone wears their lousy clothes and shoes anyway, because they're going to get ruined, and as the cover demonstrates, the life jackets never match. You just have to hope you end up with one of the cool vest ones like Violet has, and not one of those strangling foam monstrosities Benny has. Henry, having not worn one, has drowned already.

WHAAAT IS THE POINT

Updates are resuming here soon, but for now, there's this: