I actually dimly remember the plot of this one. As I recall, the Aldens go to a motel run by a friend of their grandfather's and find that someone's trying to run them out of business, so they decide to help. You know, like some kind of pre-teen A-team. Though to be fair, I'm not sure "filling the pool with apples" is that sinister of a plot. And seriously, Henry? Fishing them all out one by one? I'm sure there's a skimmer or something around. And what the hell is happening to your foot? If we had this one in the store, I'd do a close-up, but it kind of looks like it's trying to escape his weird purple shoe.
In which a bookstore employee, confounded by the covers of the Boxcar Children Mysteries, decides to use his own fuzzy memories and wild assumptions to literally judge a book by its cover. Updates somedays.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
20 - The Haunted Cabin Mystery b/w 21 - The Deserted Library Mystery featuring DJ 22 The Animal Shelter Mystery
Oh snap! When I was setting up the dates for this week's updates, I accidentally put in next week instead. All fixed now. Here's three books.
As the ghostwriters take over, we can see that they're making some major changes. For one thing, the Aldens have started dressing sensibly, and are passing harsh judgment on Violet for not complying. Or maybe she's pointed out that the Cabin is not Haunted, and what they had mistaken for a ghost was only a rooster painted on the roof. Or maybe she's been really smug the whole way up about how much less she's packed and they're sick of it. Whatever it is, lines have clearly been drawn.

In this one, Henry's really into the whole "dressing sensibly" thing, and has decided to take his siblings to the local library, to look up more information on fashion and to teach them how to have matching shirts and shoes. But they find the Library to be Deserted, and far more aggressively than that Schoolhouse was Abandoned. In fact, forget deserted, this place was freaking pillaged. The children's reactions are quite diverse. Henry is shocked that someone would destroy Where's Waldo? so callously. Jessie is shocked that half her hair has fallen off, not realizing that it's behind her back. Benny is impatient, as he has to go star in a 1950s Japanese monster movie. And Violet is bending over with her hands on her knees, which shows up on these covers almost as much as pointing.
In this one, Henry's really into the whole "dressing sensibly" thing, and has decided to take his siblings to the local library, to look up more information on fashion and to teach them how to have matching shirts and shoes. But they find the Library to be Deserted, and far more aggressively than that Schoolhouse was Abandoned. In fact, forget deserted, this place was freaking pillaged. The children's reactions are quite diverse. Henry is shocked that someone would destroy Where's Waldo? so callously. Jessie is shocked that half her hair has fallen off, not realizing that it's behind her back. Benny is impatient, as he has to go star in a 1950s Japanese monster movie. And Violet is bending over with her hands on her knees, which shows up on these covers almost as much as pointing.
SIDE NOTE: I have no clue why the pictures I have to find online post bigger than the ones I take at the store. Just one of those things.
Speaking of which, this is the best point I've seen in a while. Benny has the same dead-eyed shock that we saw in the Tree House Mystery. I can only assume he's taking the sign at its hastily-Sharpied word. "That means ME? But how could they know I'd be here?" And all Violet can do is give him a reassuring hug, and wonder if maybe they should get him tested. Hey, I just noticed Benny's wearing the same blue sneakers this book as he was last book. And they match about as well.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
#129 - The Great Turkey Heist

Happy Thanksgiving, all y'all. As a special treat before moving into the ghostwriters proper, I wanted to show this, the latest in the series. This is what we're working toward, folks. It's the 150th book overall, and while the clothes are less deranged and they don't throw the word "mystery" in all over the place, it's nice to know they're still pointing pointlessly. Guys, you're in a theater. There's nowhere to look BESIDES the screen, especially when something's standing in front of it. There's still something off though...
Oh well, whatever. I'm taking tomorrow off, since it's the day after Thanksgiving and I work retail. We'll be back to normal on Monday, when the ghostwriters take us on our first of many absurd adventures.
Wish I could figure out what's weird about this one, though...
Wait a minute -
Wish I could figure out what's weird about this one, though...
Wait a minute -
Who the hell are they looking at? Me?
19 - Benny Uncovers a Mystery
You may notice that Benny looks slightly older than usual here. And for once, it's not just the mercurial whims of the cover artist at fault. See, while most of these covers have Benny at a comfortable and consistent (ish) six years old, but throughout the series, Warner aged them. Not in real time, that would put Benny in his late fifties here (HILARIOUS), but at like a year every three or four books. So Henry's at college in this one, and Benny's getting a part time job. So the sudden, jarring appearance of Tween Benny is for a reason. What this job is, I am uncertain. Stockboy or bag boy at a department or grocery store, I think, but I really don't know more than that, and that's just from reading up on the publication history. Looks like a department store, I guess.
Not that it matters. In my mind, the store is just one big front for a crime organization, and Benny is a useful idiot, a stooge, a mule, the fall guy. They plan to sell him out as a distraction should they ever get caught, but they never do. Benny moves the merchandise, and the crooks skip town , their mission accomplished. And home Benny goes, ten dollars in his pocket, intent on buying some candy and then rejoining his brother and sisters to go look for diamond smugglers.
But they won't want to look for diamond smugglers. They have jobs of their own, and they can drive. Sleuthing is a child's game, and it is time for them to put away childish things. Time to leave behind pirate treasure and hidden maps and pink hotpants with white velcro shoes and black socks. Time to grow up, Boxcar Children, and become tiresome, dull, Grandfather's Mansion Adults. They won't be bad people, they'll still be kind and loving and caring. But today is the day it ends. Though he knew it not, today Benny was the diamond smuggler.
And it is on that melancholic note that we leave Gertrude Chandler Warner and prepare ourselves for the ghostwriters slamming their hands on that reset button and returning the kids to their sleuthing glory days. And I'm fine with that. I didn't mean to get so gloomy about it up there, but there is a part of me that gets sad that kid characters have to grow up. And the way I imagine the Boxcar Children getting on with their lives is certainly better for them than the way the Animorphs ended things, dead or insane or depressed. Or the Sweet Valley Twins, now canonically a pair of dreary adults. If Calvin did grow up to be Frazz, then he's happy, but he's not Calvin anymore. So goodbye, G.C.W. I leave you now with the words of A.A. Milne, from The House on Pooh Corner, after Christopher Robin and Pooh discuss the former's inevitable growing up:
But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.
And in California, shapeshifting teenagers will always be fighting aliens and cracking wise, and in Connecticut, spunky tweens will be watching precocious scamps, and in Idaville a tiresome child will be confounding criminals with trivia facts, and Junie B will always be malapropizing at wherever it is she does that.
And in a forest, some orphans will always be living in a boxcar until they are found by their grandfather, and then going off and solving mysteries. Which is a bit of a strange and awkwardly drawn-out thing to be always happening, but screw you, pal. This is my metaphor, and I can do what I want, because I'm A. A. Milne, and you're not.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
18 - Bus Station Mystery
That there may be some business at the Bus Station called "Frank's Place", I can accept. It's an odd name for anything that's not a bar, or perhaps a restaurant, which you're unlikely to find at a bus station, but perhaps a vendor of light refreshment and notions and sundries has given their shop a rather publican name for reasons known only to Frank. But a closer look at the sign reveals that it says "FRANK'S PLACE BUS STATION", which seems to imply that the town itself is called "Frank's Place", which while an odd name for a convenience store, is a flat out weird name for a town. This is, no doubt, what attracted the Boxcars, who are abnormally hard up for diamond smugglers, and have resorted to classifying inclement weather as "mysterious". Also, Henry has transformed into Corey Feldman.
Monday, November 21, 2011
17 - Mystery Behind the Wall
You may think the child on the cover is attempting to uncover the Mystery Behind the Wall, but I'm inclined to believe that the solution to the mystery is "Some kid was sawing up the walls." Now, I don't know who the kid is, but I don't believe is a Boxcar Child. Their physical appearances aren't super-consistent, but he appears to be not so young as Benny* nor so old as Henry, and besides, Violet seems to be avoiding him. (Though she may be just overly cautious today, dressed as she is for a flood.) I do wish that they had chosen to vary his appearance a bit, though. Maybe make him a redhead, or perhaps even a minority. HA! No, I'm just kidding, the odds of that happening in this series are pretty damn low.
*Just wait two days for that.
*Just wait two days for that.
Friday, November 18, 2011
16 - Mystery in the Sand
Ugh. Benny would have a metal detector. He is exactly the kind of kid who would take one and run all over the beach, harshing everyone's calm because he thinks he's going to find pirate treasure. Newsflash, kid: Pirates didn't bury treasure. That's not a real thing that happened. Robert Louis Stevenson made it up. And everyone wants to go swimming, or on the boardwalk, or up to that castle or whatever it is, but you're so sure that you're going to find buried riches that you'll just go on and on and whine whenever anyone wants to leave... And the worst of it is, he seems to be right, which totally justifies how bad I wanted a metal detector at that age. VINDICATED.
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